Sunday, June 19, 2011

It’s Called an Insult

The prophets knew what I’m feeling all too well. The persecuted missionaries and saint around the world died for the Cause for which I am feeling but a prick of the heart. But this is the first slap I’ve ever felt.

I realized today how sheltered I’ve been. I acknowledged how naïve I am. But I need the strength I do not have. I need to lean on the One who is all-powerful.

You see, this afternoon held a tremendous trying of my faith. A status update by one of my friends on facebook led me to answer her question. It stated the Bible did not say anything about homosexuality (among other things). My mother saw it first and replied to it with a few scriptures. I saw it next and added a few. These were more precise and dealt with the matter more closely for we, as a family had worked together on our answer. Bibles in hand, my mother, father and I searched for the correct rebuttal. We came up with Lev. 20:13 and Romans 1:26-27. And this evidently struck a cord.

After I commented, I went offline for lunch. Coming back, I read an insult to my reasoning beyond any I had ever heard. Here is what he said:

Lev 20:13 was a part of the Judaical Law, so unless you are a Jew, it doesn't apply. Rom 1:26 and following gives a very long list of sinful acts ... all of which are shamefully common among all members of the human race. Have you ever coveted? Envied? Lied? Spread gossip? Boasted? Disobeyed your parents? Guess what? Your mind is just as "debased" as anyone else's. Stop straining out gnats (Matt 23:24). Christianity is about Grace. What misguided gall it must take to turn the compassion of God into hate for people you might personally despise (which, by the way, is also a sin). Galatians 5:22-23 ... Where is your fruit, O' Christian?

Now, my posting this does not mean I agree with this in ANY way, shape or form.

But I immediately thought of many things to repute this. Jesus taught we should love the person, not the action. And that’s how I feel. I am related to a lesbian, but I do not hate my relative. I do not hate anyone so far as I know. But I hate the act of homosexuality. Then, I thought of Jesus fulfilling the Law, not abolishing it. And then I thought I’d say something along the lines of, “Yes, I have done many of those things, and so have you. But I know I’m forgiven of these, even though that doesn’t make me any better than those who are not. Christianity is not totally about grace, but about THE Grace given us. He is forgiving, but holy. And those who truly love Him will try to be holy as well.” But this I did not post.

My mother told me not to try to rebut, for this person has obviously twisted my words and would do it again, making my debate frustration to me. This, I obeyed. But I only didn’t post because my mother had forbidden it. That would not have been my choice.

So, now I am left to deal with insults. I can’t quite figure out how to deal with them. Forget them? Rationalize them away? Come up with rebuttals in my mind? I don’t know. But I went straight to my Bible and where did my fingers find? Paul. Paul being falsely accused and tried before Festus. Paul said not very much, but they still hated him enough to want him killed.

I only got called what I said was wrong. I never got called anything to my face, thank God. If I had, I think I’d have a lot more regrets than I do.

God gave Stephen the grace, I guess I just need to cling to that as well.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Broken Watch—A Fable

Once there was an elderly man. He lived alone, forgotten by his world. The people of the city had once depended on him, but now he seemed of no use to them.

The Old Watchshop had closed down. The marvelous little clocks that timed the entire city had been made there. Grandfather clocks, children’s clocks, mother’s kitchen clocks and father’s desk clocks were all wound and started there. But it had closed down.

No one really knew why—they never wanted to ask the Old Man, as the called the old watchmaker. Some figured he had grown tired of winding and setting together clocks. Some thought they hadn’t paid him enough gratitude to keep him liking his job. Some believed his “fortune” had run out and could no longer afford watch pieces.

But in any case, the Old Watchshop was closed. The people’s watches ran down. And then the Grandfather clocks ticked their last. The father’s clocks fell next, then the mothers’ and finally the children’s. And then the city was without time. The meetings were never on time, most people never showed up, and there was no telling passersby what the time was. The town was timeless in the worst of ways.

But none of the townspeople thought to ask the Old Man to fix his creations. His clocks kept ticking and kept ticking in his house. In the beginning of the timeless days, as they were called, people had gone to his house to hear the bells ring and know what time it was. Not any more. No one remembered him. No one, that is, except Timmily.

Timmily had gone to the Old Man’s house many, many times. He always knew about what time it was, and for that, the townspeople called him names. So, he removed his watch—the only working clock outside of the Old Man’s house, mind you—and threw it away. He had been the only one to know how to maintain a clock. He knew not, however, how to fix one. One day, Timmily had been waiting all day for his friends to meet. No one showed up. He blamed it on the timeless days and moved on. The next day, he told himself, they’d come. But they never did. Hurt and anguished, he went to go find out what time it was.

As always, he stayed outside the door long enough to hear the bells ring, but this day, no bells did ring. He waited. He realized that today marked the 7th year since the people had first gotten their clocks. And it had been 6 years since they broke. He wondered why the Old Man had let his clocks run down?

He knocked, bravely. No one had ever dared enter the exceedingly large home of the Old Watchmaker. Not even him. But he turned back—to see if anyone was watching—and then darted in the unlocked door and shut it behind him. He scurried to a near-by plant-pot and ducked beneath.

Plucking up his courage, he moved about the house with surprising speed and quickness. Passing a large door, he heard snoring. Peeping through the keyhole—for this was large enough for him to stick his head into—he saw the Old Man, asleep on a bed. Frightened out of his wits by the surprising figure and shape of this man, he darted from the house.

Timmily went home in a daze. He never told his friends of his adventure, but he never forgot it. He vowed that one day, he’d go back to the house and meet the Old Man. For all his deformations and lack of bolts to hold him together, he looked fairly nice. As Timmily oiled his knees, he decided he’d wait a year and go on the 8th anniversary of the clocks.

The year passed, and Timmily remembered his vow. He had crept up to the door way and was standing on the porch, awaiting his courage to be plucked up right. To his dismay, the door was locked. So, he knocked. His wooden hand against the wooden door made little to no sound in the spacious area. Looking about him, he realized the house had grew, or else he had shrunk. He hadn’t been back to find the time for ages, he thought, but the sun didn’t doubt her days.

Thrusting his whole body against the door with full force, he found he had made a clamor with his legs rustling after his torso. The handle turned idly, and a large man peered out. Instinctively, he looked over Timmily’s head. Seeing no one, he turned to go back inside, but Timmily, now feeling quite small and insignificant, called out, “Sir! Sir Watchmaker!?”

The old man looked down and saw Timmily. A smile spread the folds of his face. The face was neither old, nor young. In fact, he seemed as timeless as the town. His hands gestured for Timmily to come in, and the moment he stepped inside—invited, this time—he was amazed. He saw all the clocks all over the walls.

After Timmily explained the situation of the town, the Old Man nodded. “I have seen this. It’s been going on a long time, hasn’t it? About 7 years, now. I myself have been wanting to help them, but no one has even thought to ask me. The Grandfather clocks, the fathers’ clocks, the mothers’ clocks, and the children’s clocks are all simple to fix. But you must know how they work and how they are affected by all the others.”

“Others, sir?” Timmily had not forgotten his manners, but this man made him feel so at home, even though he had no joints or bolts on him.

“Yes. All the clocks are intertwined with one another. Each one is affected by the other. Your watch, the last watch in the town, was running down. It was lonely, but by you remembering to wind it with a word of thanks, you kept it’s spirits up and it’s workings going. But once you stopped doing that, it died. The first clock to stop was the Grand grandfather clock in town square. Because of it’s influence and responsibility, it had worn down. It just gave up, encouraging the others to do the same. Eventually, all the running clocks had given up but yours. But even now, the people’s clocks are still ticking. They are just unaware. Yours is ticking the best, but it is indeed failing you, as well. Such a shame! The only thing I told Adaton and Evalon was to not forget to wind themselves with my letters each day.”

Now everyone in the town had heard of the very first people, "Adaton and Evalon,” and the story of the letters, but no one quite believed them. They were wives’ tales and children’s rhymes and myths for the insane.

“My clock, sir? And everyone’s clocks? I thought every clock in the city had run down.”

“No, oh, no, Timmily. You see, your clock is you, yourself. The clocks you own is not the same as your clock. I made you with a clock inside you. You are a clock. And so is everyone in the town.”

“A, clock, sir?” Timmily stumbled over his words at this.

“Yes. You see, when your clocks ran down, they were the last, no? It was because you were still remembering to wind them with my letters, whether you knew it or not. You still believe in time, do you not? Yes. But many others do not. They don’t believe I exist, and therefore can’t believe in themselves. When they stop believing in themselves, they lose hope. And when they lose hope, they lose their time. Do you understand?”

“I—I think so… You made each of us? And then you have stopped making us, and now that’s why I haven’t seen any infants among us?”

“That’s why. I am making many more of your kin, but no one believes in me, so I cannot give them to your people yet. They don’t want to ask me for any. When you came last year, I was not asleep, but resting. I had set all the clocks in motion and let them tick. I watched and watched, but only you ever came to fulfill your longing. Every one else left behind the very thing they were made for, so that they could ‘grow up’ or ‘fit in.’”

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Steps of Healing

And they came to Bethsaida. And some people brought to him a blind man and begged him to touch him. And he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when he had spit on his eyes and laid his hands on him, he asked him, "Do you see anything?" And he looked up and said, "I see men, but they look like trees, walking." Then Jesus laid his hands on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. And he sent him to his home, saying, "Do not even enter the village."
Mar 8:22-26 ESV  (emphasis mine)

Why didn’t Jesus heal him in the city? Why didn’t He heal him when He took his hand? Why did He lead him away? Why did He spit on him? Why? Why?

Jesus sometimes took steps in His healing jobs. He first –lead him, then –spit, then –touched him again. Each of them involved faith, just different levels.

Allowing Him to lead you is sometimes the easiest part. Physically realizing He is calling you is the first step. You have to leave that place you were called out of, whether it be meaning a spiritual state or physical. And everything God does can have many levels to its meaning. Bethsaida was condemned (Matt. 11:21), “but He would still show mercy to individuals.” (Scofield Reference Notes) In leaving the city, “He … was telling [Bethsaida], in effect, she was unworthy to have any more done within her walls.” (Matthew Henry) But also it was an act of faith for the man. He had to let Christ lead him. He’d probably let others lead him around his whole life—but he probably didn’t have any idea who this Man was but what his friends told him. But, oh, the questions that must have run through his mind!

They must have been similar to the ones in my mind today.

Then, Christ SPAT on him! Now, I don’t really think He leaned over and went *phtew* in his face, but still. He put warm saliva on the man’s eyes, however He did it. The natural response would be to recoil and remove such a thing from one’s face. But Jesus put it on there…

Sometimes you have to endure odd things… But not trying to rub off the oddities of life is one of the hardest things for me… Little elements in my life have sent me reeling, but God put them there…

And, only after touching him again did Jesus actually allow the man to totally see. He asked him if he could see, but the man only saw figures and shapes. We often can’t see the crisp lines. It’s not ‘til He’s done does He usually show us the masterpiece! No painter likes to endure criticism of a work-in-progress. “It’s not finished yet!”

“You’re not finished yet. Stop trying to leave my hands. Let me take you away. Let me change you. Let me. Let go, let me.”

Friday, May 20, 2011

1 Year…

I’ve had 1 year.

1 year of turning on the hot water heater 20 minutes before shower-down.

1 year of people staring at me where ever I go.

1 year of reminding people, “I just woke up. I haven’t done anything yet today.”

1 year of missing America—sort of.

1 year of getting to know my awesome fellow missionaries and their families.

1 year of living in my favorite place in the world right now.

Yeah, I’ve missed you all in America. Yeah, there’s been difficulties. But nothing, nothing dims the light of knowing you’re where you’re supposed to be. I have felt for the past 2 years I belonged in Uganda. But I never, never guessed I could love it as much. The people, the atmosphere, the weather—all of them added to the feeling of belonging, I can’t say I’d rather be anywhere else.

(But I’m really looking forward to seeing ya’ll in America in a couple months!)

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Dry Milkcans…

As a baby craves milk to grow, so you will crave spiritual milk. 

You can tell when I’m experiencing a dry milkcan. I haven’t blogged for reals in a while. But the reason is, I’ve got a lot of sorting to do. I guess, there’s not really much times when you don’t have to sort through emotions, but now’s a biggy for that for me.

With friends getting ready to leave, people changing and me thinking about the furlough we’re intending to spend in a couple months, I can’t help but take tomorrow’s worries into today’s preverbal hands. “Don’t worry about your life,” keeps echoing in my ears, but letting go is not an easy thing to do.

I have questions. Who am I supposed to be? Where are we exactly supposed to be going? What exactly am I supposed to be doing!? But they seem to still be unanswered. To stay dry and tasteless. I’m hungry, but maybe I’m looking in the wrong cupboard. This one seems to not have anything in it. It’s as if the milk I let set out too long—it’s gone! I can’t seem to feel full any more. I don’t think my worries help any of this.

I know God has a plan, but what is it!? All too often I demand that. Faith is trust without worry. Faith is believing in the unseen, is stepping out trusting that step is there, is not worrying about the one beyond this. And faith is a hard thing. God’s plan is an unrolling scroll, to determine the destinies of all. But we only find this out through revelation. Without trying to find the full milkcans, we can’t be trying to find out God’s will. It’s like wanting to stay up late, but not wanting to reach age 10. It just doesn’t work.

Dry milkcans don’t nourish. They don’t fulfill. They don’t help you grow. They do make it hard to find the full ones. They clutter the room. I just need to empty my heart of the empty ones… living in the past and future doesn’t work when you’re only given the present. Only the time passing now are we given, so I better find those full milkcans.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

More than a Prince

Jonathan, son of Saul, son of Kish

         "Nothing can hinder God from saving, whether by many or by few." Jonathan truly believed what he had told his armor-bearer in the moments before his personal attack on the Philistines one night. He had fought them before, at Gibeah, and trusted he was going to fight them another day. His bravest action and most prevalent show of faith was given that night-- he and his armor-bearer alone attacked the Philistine outpost and killed twenty men. Under normal circumstances, that wouldn't have defeated the whole army, but God sent the enemies of His people into confusion and gave the Israelites the victory. He later knew God was giving Israel a new gift-- David-- and told him so. Being a bold and brave man, he was not afraid to give himself to do what he believed was God's will.

           But sometimes that willingness and resolve got him into trouble. Being away the night of the battle (as he fought his own little one over a canyon not far off), he didn't hear his father's oath to kill anyone who ate anything until they had finished their work. He took, and he ate some honey from the forest. After the fact, one of his men told him what he had done, and his father vowed to kill him. But, through the love of his men, he escaped the punishment designated by the king. He also chose to side with David, even when his father was given to trying to kill him. His close relationship with his father was obviously shorn through his choices. Eventually, he died fighting alongside his demon-possessed father on the Mount Gilboa. His boldness and self-will had kept him out of trouble when he agreed with what was right, but that same will had led him to sin in the forest and to face the consequences.

           For the later part of his life, his best friend was on the run from his father. He had given his best  in trying to dissuade King Saul from murdering God's anointed. He had given David his advice to run into hiding-- but not before a tearful parting. His sister had aided in deceiving their father, but he had done his part in securing David's safety until he could leave the city. One of David's hardest times were brightened by the appearance of this one man. He once visited David when he was in hiding in Horesh. During this visit, Jonathan gave encouragement David in as many ways as he knew how. After reminding him of God's promises, he had also reminded him of his own respect and love for him through admitting David was going to rule over him without any apparent hint of jealousy or resentment.

           Jonathan fulfilled his name, meaning gift of God, in so many ways. He was a gift as a warrior to Israel. He was a gift to his father in keeping him from killing David during Saul's early fits of rage. He was a gift to David in his warnings and encouraging speeches. But most of all, he is a gift to us today. His example of boldly doing God's work, and his warning of always heeding God's word live on to serve us today. He was more than a prince, he was one of God's many gifts to mankind.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Of Change and Circles

Change never has an end. It never stops. Life is change, if it weren’t we’d all die. None of us could stay the size we were when our mothers gave birth to us. But we didn’t exactly always want to grow when the pains started.

I’ve heard change described as a circle: where it supposedly starts, it also ended. The end of a chapter only starts the next one. A goodbye to one means a hello to another. But those don’t really comfort you as you look at your sunshine moving away and grey clouds rolling in. These goodbyes don’t really seem to bring any new hellos—there’s only one Sun. The airplane that bore me here brought also goodbyes and hellos, but when the airplanes and cars take from me the hellos when giving the goodbyes, there’s no beginning again, it seems. The circles must be circumstantial.

Change. It’s the one thing we don’t want to see any closer; and it’s the one thing we’re trying to get to. And it’s just the one thing we can’t get. It’s a need, I’ll tell you, but it’s the one thing we hate the most. Samwise Gamgee said words to fit many a situation, but I believe he really must have meant “change” instead of “Mordor.” It was the same to him anyhow. He hated walking through so much change.

Walking in circles is pointless. So is trying to avoid change. It’s one thing to know you’re change will somehow be exciting. It’s another thing entirely to know only you will be left without the sun that shines now. Friends leaving, life continuing, relationships ending, friends leaving. Pointless circles that we seem to always walk in while standing on the mission field. But they’re circles we must walk, I just can’t say I’m going to run them.  

When the sun is gone, perhaps the moon will show. They move in circles, too.