It’s
happened before. It’ll happen again. Another series of goodbyes has left me
broken. To be fair, in anyone’s life there are seasons and changes. But perhaps
the times that I feel most compelled to write are the times that I have much floating
in my heart—unspoken, unfathomed thoughts that have yet to culminate to
emotions. And perhaps the times I cannot bear to be silent are the ones that
sever ties I’ve cherished.
“I wish the ring had never come to me, Gandalf. I wish none of this had happened.”
“So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”
Eight
seniors lived in my dorm with me this year. Eight pieces of my heart flew away
this July. Many other seniors will be greatly missed for reasons as varied as
they themselves. From musical talent to laughs to adventures to simple smiles—each
person who received their diploma has left a dent in my heart. And yet it is
merely a year away, that day that I will watch nearly 70 people cross that same
stage and fight the tears because this
time it’s us.
This
year is my first and last year as a senior at RVA. I know that sounds silly,
because most people only get one year as a senior; but that’s just it. We only
have one year, and then we’re gone.
The key
is to remember what God taught me last summer: people are important. Every gift
He’s given us, every moment we’re allowed—they’re all meant for us to use to
love God by loving people. Jesus spent way more time telling us about the times
He spent with His friends and followers and… and… just people than He ever
spent telling us about what He learned in the synagogue.
Sometimes
I ask Him why He expects me to love people that I know will soon leave me. Sometimes
I wonder why He wants me to tear my heart so that I can love someone that will
fly away. And sometimes I wonder why He
bothered loving Judas. The only answer I can fathom is that it’s worth it.
The pain, the tears, the goodbyes… to have loved is better than these. I cannot
say that memories alone are worth it, but if the future is added to the past,
present pain is well worth the cost.
I know
that the chances of seeing all of my heart put back together again are as
slight as my chances of ever living a boring life. But I also know that the
joys of the past will shape my future. The people I have known and loved this
year will continue to affect my life. To be friends is to change, and change is
never completely reversible. The only thing I can seek to do is be a positive
change in the lives I’m put here to share.
