Steps of Healing

And they came to Bethsaida. And some people brought to him a blind man and begged him to touch him. And he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when he had spit on his eyes and laid his hands on him, he asked him, "Do you see anything?" And he looked up and said, "I see men, but they look like trees, walking." Then Jesus laid his hands on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. And he sent him to his home, saying, "Do not even enter the village."
Mar 8:22-26 ESV  (emphasis mine)

Why didn’t Jesus heal him in the city? Why didn’t He heal him when He took his hand? Why did He lead him away? Why did He spit on him? Why? Why?

Jesus sometimes took steps in His healing jobs. He first –lead him, then –spit, then –touched him again. Each of them involved faith, just different levels.

Allowing Him to lead you is sometimes the easiest part. Physically realizing He is calling you is the first step. You have to leave that place you were called out of, whether it be meaning a spiritual state or physical. And everything God does can have many levels to its meaning. Bethsaida was condemned (Matt. 11:21), “but He would still show mercy to individuals.” (Scofield Reference Notes) In leaving the city, “He … was telling [Bethsaida], in effect, she was unworthy to have any more done within her walls.” (Matthew Henry) But also it was an act of faith for the man. He had to let Christ lead him. He’d probably let others lead him around his whole life—but he probably didn’t have any idea who this Man was but what his friends told him. But, oh, the questions that must have run through his mind!

They must have been similar to the ones in my mind today.

Then, Christ SPAT on him! Now, I don’t really think He leaned over and went *phtew* in his face, but still. He put warm saliva on the man’s eyes, however He did it. The natural response would be to recoil and remove such a thing from one’s face. But Jesus put it on there…

Sometimes you have to endure odd things… But not trying to rub off the oddities of life is one of the hardest things for me… Little elements in my life have sent me reeling, but God put them there…

And, only after touching him again did Jesus actually allow the man to totally see. He asked him if he could see, but the man only saw figures and shapes. We often can’t see the crisp lines. It’s not ‘til He’s done does He usually show us the masterpiece! No painter likes to endure criticism of a work-in-progress. “It’s not finished yet!”

“You’re not finished yet. Stop trying to leave my hands. Let me take you away. Let me change you. Let me. Let go, let me.”

1 Year…

I’ve had 1 year.

1 year of turning on the hot water heater 20 minutes before shower-down.

1 year of people staring at me where ever I go.

1 year of reminding people, “I just woke up. I haven’t done anything yet today.”

1 year of missing America—sort of.

1 year of getting to know my awesome fellow missionaries and their families.

1 year of living in my favorite place in the world right now.

Yeah, I’ve missed you all in America. Yeah, there’s been difficulties. But nothing, nothing dims the light of knowing you’re where you’re supposed to be. I have felt for the past 2 years I belonged in Uganda. But I never, never guessed I could love it as much. The people, the atmosphere, the weather—all of them added to the feeling of belonging, I can’t say I’d rather be anywhere else.

(But I’m really looking forward to seeing ya’ll in America in a couple months!)

Dry Milkcans…

As a baby craves milk to grow, so you will crave spiritual milk. 

You can tell when I’m experiencing a dry milkcan. I haven’t blogged for reals in a while. But the reason is, I’ve got a lot of sorting to do. I guess, there’s not really much times when you don’t have to sort through emotions, but now’s a biggy for that for me.

With friends getting ready to leave, people changing and me thinking about the furlough we’re intending to spend in a couple months, I can’t help but take tomorrow’s worries into today’s preverbal hands. “Don’t worry about your life,” keeps echoing in my ears, but letting go is not an easy thing to do.

I have questions. Who am I supposed to be? Where are we exactly supposed to be going? What exactly am I supposed to be doing!? But they seem to still be unanswered. To stay dry and tasteless. I’m hungry, but maybe I’m looking in the wrong cupboard. This one seems to not have anything in it. It’s as if the milk I let set out too long—it’s gone! I can’t seem to feel full any more. I don’t think my worries help any of this.

I know God has a plan, but what is it!? All too often I demand that. Faith is trust without worry. Faith is believing in the unseen, is stepping out trusting that step is there, is not worrying about the one beyond this. And faith is a hard thing. God’s plan is an unrolling scroll, to determine the destinies of all. But we only find this out through revelation. Without trying to find the full milkcans, we can’t be trying to find out God’s will. It’s like wanting to stay up late, but not wanting to reach age 10. It just doesn’t work.

Dry milkcans don’t nourish. They don’t fulfill. They don’t help you grow. They do make it hard to find the full ones. They clutter the room. I just need to empty my heart of the empty ones… living in the past and future doesn’t work when you’re only given the present. Only the time passing now are we given, so I better find those full milkcans.

More than a Prince

Jonathan, son of Saul, son of Kish

         "Nothing can hinder God from saving, whether by many or by few." Jonathan truly believed what he had told his armor-bearer in the moments before his personal attack on the Philistines one night. He had fought them before, at Gibeah, and trusted he was going to fight them another day. His bravest action and most prevalent show of faith was given that night-- he and his armor-bearer alone attacked the Philistine outpost and killed twenty men. Under normal circumstances, that wouldn't have defeated the whole army, but God sent the enemies of His people into confusion and gave the Israelites the victory. He later knew God was giving Israel a new gift-- David-- and told him so. Being a bold and brave man, he was not afraid to give himself to do what he believed was God's will.

           But sometimes that willingness and resolve got him into trouble. Being away the night of the battle (as he fought his own little one over a canyon not far off), he didn't hear his father's oath to kill anyone who ate anything until they had finished their work. He took, and he ate some honey from the forest. After the fact, one of his men told him what he had done, and his father vowed to kill him. But, through the love of his men, he escaped the punishment designated by the king. He also chose to side with David, even when his father was given to trying to kill him. His close relationship with his father was obviously shorn through his choices. Eventually, he died fighting alongside his demon-possessed father on the Mount Gilboa. His boldness and self-will had kept him out of trouble when he agreed with what was right, but that same will had led him to sin in the forest and to face the consequences.

           For the later part of his life, his best friend was on the run from his father. He had given his best  in trying to dissuade King Saul from murdering God's anointed. He had given David his advice to run into hiding-- but not before a tearful parting. His sister had aided in deceiving their father, but he had done his part in securing David's safety until he could leave the city. One of David's hardest times were brightened by the appearance of this one man. He once visited David when he was in hiding in Horesh. During this visit, Jonathan gave encouragement David in as many ways as he knew how. After reminding him of God's promises, he had also reminded him of his own respect and love for him through admitting David was going to rule over him without any apparent hint of jealousy or resentment.

           Jonathan fulfilled his name, meaning gift of God, in so many ways. He was a gift as a warrior to Israel. He was a gift to his father in keeping him from killing David during Saul's early fits of rage. He was a gift to David in his warnings and encouraging speeches. But most of all, he is a gift to us today. His example of boldly doing God's work, and his warning of always heeding God's word live on to serve us today. He was more than a prince, he was one of God's many gifts to mankind.

Of Change and Circles

Change never has an end. It never stops. Life is change, if it weren’t we’d all die. None of us could stay the size we were when our mothers gave birth to us. But we didn’t exactly always want to grow when the pains started.

I’ve heard change described as a circle: where it supposedly starts, it also ended. The end of a chapter only starts the next one. A goodbye to one means a hello to another. But those don’t really comfort you as you look at your sunshine moving away and grey clouds rolling in. These goodbyes don’t really seem to bring any new hellos—there’s only one Sun. The airplane that bore me here brought also goodbyes and hellos, but when the airplanes and cars take from me the hellos when giving the goodbyes, there’s no beginning again, it seems. The circles must be circumstantial.

Change. It’s the one thing we don’t want to see any closer; and it’s the one thing we’re trying to get to. And it’s just the one thing we can’t get. It’s a need, I’ll tell you, but it’s the one thing we hate the most. Samwise Gamgee said words to fit many a situation, but I believe he really must have meant “change” instead of “Mordor.” It was the same to him anyhow. He hated walking through so much change.

Walking in circles is pointless. So is trying to avoid change. It’s one thing to know you’re change will somehow be exciting. It’s another thing entirely to know only you will be left without the sun that shines now. Friends leaving, life continuing, relationships ending, friends leaving. Pointless circles that we seem to always walk in while standing on the mission field. But they’re circles we must walk, I just can’t say I’m going to run them.  

When the sun is gone, perhaps the moon will show. They move in circles, too.

A Vacation fit for the Kings (& us!)

I love my family. Petersons, Thompsons, Harkins, Mills, Kings, and the list could go on. When we get together, there’s no limit to the fun. Especially when a good menu is involved.

Our five-day King-visit started with (well, food first, but then) our favorite family game—Nertz. A game of speed, good eye span and understanding what suit each card is, we often have our most meaningful conversations playing it. “AH!! Cheep-oh! I was going to—ugh.” “Oh, SOORRRY, did you want that card?” Of course, the fact that I was reigning champion was not rubbed in at all… We had tournaments every night they were here, and, sad to say, my growing weariness and Spencer’s increasing skills ended up in me not actually creaming him the last round. The final night’s scores for Nertz was: Me: 2 (or 3, my memory fails in complete exhaustion); Josh: 2; Uncle Matt: 1; and Spencer: 1 & a half. Since Spencer hadn’t ever actually emptied his Nertz pile before, he didn’t understand that even if he had played all but one, had an empty spot open and everything, he still had to get that last card off the pile. I, courteously, tried to explain this problem to him as I deftly added more of my cards to the middle piles. Josh took that opportunity as well, and Nertzed before him… But, seeing as this was his FIRST time meeting “Bob,” (as he named the last card in his Nertz pile every game,) we called it a “half Nertz.”

Our “night-life” of playing cards till bedtime wasn’t the only thing we enjoyed, either. “Floating” the Nile River, swimming at local pools and resorts, watching movies, eating popcorn, having hilarious convos, and learning which kind of “Nert” we each were couldn’t have been better.

Despite the horrendous  sunburns and exhaustion, a vacation fit for the Kings and us was one of the best I’ve ever had (even if I never left home).

Beginning, take 2 (retake, and yet another retake)

My dad’s favorite new motto for here in Uganda is:  “Plans change.”

Work in Uganda has it’s perks—if you go to the Market, you can get things for 20% what you might have got it for in America, people are more impressed with your work (even if you could have done just as well in America) since you did it “in Africa,” and other small things. We’re not exactly movie producers or actors or even rich kids. We just happen to try something we thought was a good idea. Key phrase:  “thought.”

You’d think that since we were in Uganda, we’d have an excuse (for not meeting our goal of having half the scenes with 2 specific actors done today) at least kinda related to the “hardships of living in Africa.” Well, no. If we were in America I’d still have only an hour or two of time to work on hours worth of work in the costume department. If we were state-side, we’d still have not had a video camera today. If we were in the US working on this, we would still have a SUPER-tight budget that can’t cover half the things we’d like to get.

The troubles of dealing with people in any project is the fact you’re dealing with humans—and being one yourself, you find it difficult. You’ve got miscommunications that are easily made, ideals that need to somehow be semi-made, feelings to not crush, and emotions that you have to struggle to control yourself. Just, in trying something WAY out of any of our skill-levels adds stress on top of an already-difficult situation. Add to that having 4 pre-teen boys who want to be in it, but do more harm than help to the project, you’ve got some people over-working, some ideals thrown out the window, and some crushed spirits.

I, personally, have felt all the troubles listed in the previous paragraph very well. But, we’ve made tremendous progress. Really, many movie producers take about 2 years to do one, but that’s kinda hard to keep in mind. We really actually need to get this done about half-way by the end of this month. We need to almost finish it at least by May 19. We need it COMPLETELY done by the last week in July… and we’ve been working for a month with not much more than a couple costumes and a sword to show for it… But I’ll keep you posted on that. :)