Sunday, May 8, 2011

Dry Milkcans…

As a baby craves milk to grow, so you will crave spiritual milk. 

You can tell when I’m experiencing a dry milkcan. I haven’t blogged for reals in a while. But the reason is, I’ve got a lot of sorting to do. I guess, there’s not really much times when you don’t have to sort through emotions, but now’s a biggy for that for me.

With friends getting ready to leave, people changing and me thinking about the furlough we’re intending to spend in a couple months, I can’t help but take tomorrow’s worries into today’s preverbal hands. “Don’t worry about your life,” keeps echoing in my ears, but letting go is not an easy thing to do.

I have questions. Who am I supposed to be? Where are we exactly supposed to be going? What exactly am I supposed to be doing!? But they seem to still be unanswered. To stay dry and tasteless. I’m hungry, but maybe I’m looking in the wrong cupboard. This one seems to not have anything in it. It’s as if the milk I let set out too long—it’s gone! I can’t seem to feel full any more. I don’t think my worries help any of this.

I know God has a plan, but what is it!? All too often I demand that. Faith is trust without worry. Faith is believing in the unseen, is stepping out trusting that step is there, is not worrying about the one beyond this. And faith is a hard thing. God’s plan is an unrolling scroll, to determine the destinies of all. But we only find this out through revelation. Without trying to find the full milkcans, we can’t be trying to find out God’s will. It’s like wanting to stay up late, but not wanting to reach age 10. It just doesn’t work.

Dry milkcans don’t nourish. They don’t fulfill. They don’t help you grow. They do make it hard to find the full ones. They clutter the room. I just need to empty my heart of the empty ones… living in the past and future doesn’t work when you’re only given the present. Only the time passing now are we given, so I better find those full milkcans.

1 comment:

  1. Janae, I will be praying for you! I have had similar thoughts and questions: "Where am I going?" "How do I get there?" "Who am I?" I still have questions like that. :) God is not afraid of our questions, but I think His desire is that they push us closer to Him - the Source of all the Answers. Love you, girl! :)


Did you like my post? Have any suggestions? I'd love to hear from you! :)